Today we're going to study descriptive passages.
'The gray heavens were showing every sign of lighting, in the east, particularly it was perceptive. Soft pink and red beams cast the shadows from the hills, moving over every tree and rock with warm rays. Then in tender solicitude it moved on down the valley till it reached the stream, a beautiful stream it was in the early dawn, with its sparkling gurgling waters made radiant by the sun. It dipped and glowed alight with all the colours of the rainbow.'
Now that descriptive passage is too fl... fl... flowery, it goes on and onuntilyou have quite forgotten what you're reading about.
This one isn't any better:
'The sun rose; its rays touching the hills and the stream.'
Now it's short and to the point, it tells all that's really important in the other, but it dosesn't describe the scene, there is no feeling the words, you can't conquer up a scene in 'the sun rose,' it just says what happened.
The passage should sound somthing more like this;
'The sky was slowly lighting, soft colourful beams moved over the hills causing them to come alive. Down in the valley, a swift flowing stream was touched by the sun, its rays made the water sparkle and glow as it meandered on its way.'